Barely Breathing
by andersonberrywarbler
Summary: Rachel is ready to pursue her Broadway dream in New York while Blaine's still a lost puppy trying to find his way in this obscure world.


Inspiration like Barbra Streisand and Patti LuPone are what motivates Rachel Berry everyday. Some say she has an abnormal, unachievable, strive to be the best she can be, but nevertheless always endeavors to achieve them. Reason why she's in New York following her dreams. Others, like her past boyfriend, say she has a warm heart, but a somewhat conceited attitude because she's so focused on the importance of her future, but deep down she does care for others.

Finn, the high school quarter back, the big shot, the boy who had the head cheerleader as his girlfriend, the golden boy, in other words, the boy who had it all. Rachel looked up to him; she envied his popularity, the way everyone stepped aside as he walked down those halls of McKinley and she just stood there with the rest of the crowd like a typical lima loser, but before she knew it, there he stood with her too at the bottom where he never expected to be. He was the one who could for once relate to how she felt, and respected her choices and now he's gone.

At first, she felt devastated, lonely, scared. Rachel had looked forward for so long to discovering the new adventures of New York with Finn, but when he broke her heart, she didn't know how to be herself. Until she finally realized that she doesn't need him to tell her what kind of person she is. Yes, Finn was the love of her life, the one who brightened her day, but that didn't change the fact that she's alone. At first she was so angry for how he let her go, but she realized that it was for the better. Finn was simply setting her free.

Nevertheless, she's attending NYU today, but has chosen to live off of school grounds. As excited as Rachel is for her first day, she is constantly reminded of the fact that she's here in New York without Kurt. In fact, she had been accepted into NYADA, but knew that if she had attended, then she would feel a sense of guilt, sadness, regret. It's nothing she can simply brush off, the fact that Rachel's in NYC pursuing her life-long dream and Kurt's stuck in the land of Lima Losers.

Today is a big day though, a day she will remember, one worth being eager for and she's not ready to get down on herself quite yet. She has a life full of adventures ahead of her, one with challenges she's been meaning to face. Challenges that will help her reach the level of stardom.

Rachel has always known that she was on her own. When Finn abandoned her, she knew that she couldn't rely on anyone, that she couldn't trust anyone but her dads, that if she wanted to be a Broadway star no one could distract her. This was it. The big times were right in front of her, but still not so easy to reach. For these next four years, she was expected to work like a dog. If not for her, then for Kurt. It was the least she could do.

Kurt was the reason she survived high school. Both had stuck together side-by-side facing anything pushed in their way. From thrown slushies at their face, to being thrown into dumpsters, to being pushed against lockers, to losing partners, they had been through everything together. And now she was facing her biggest dream alone. She owed him because him along with her dads were the only ones that had faith in her. They were the only ones who knew that she would succeed in such a difficult career.

Mike, a close friend of Rachel's, had always had talent, talent to make it to the big times. But in the end he took up a career as an accountant and she didn't understand why he would waste his talent. His parents had always told him that being a dancer wouldn't get him anywhere in life. Those were the kind of parents who didn't have faith in their child and she whished she could do something about it, but she couldn't. Rachel had always resented those types of parents, the kinds of parents who crushed their child's dreams. That was when she had realized how privileged she was to have parents and Kurt who supported her. If Rachel couldn't use her voice, then her gift would be worthless.

Life isn't easy. It's tough, complicated, tiring, but most of all, heartbreaking. No one has it like Blaine. Not one person understands the pressure he's under, the shoes he has to fill, the expectations that are set upon him. Blaine has had dreams, dreams to be on Broadway, dreams to tour alongside his brother and sister, dreams to be a world wide known musician, but those dreams were at one point crushed.

Throughout his life, Blaine has been told that being young will be the best years of his life, but so far it's felt like the worst. He's been tormented throughout his whole High School Career. Blaine has attended several schools and continues to let bullies chase him away. His parent's have never been fond of the arts and because singing isn't considered "_popular_" for boys, he's frequently bullied for his love of music. Because his passion doesn't involve athletics, his dreams, hopes, and desires become unworthy. And to his parent's, unrealistic. In ways, he fails to understand how. Blaine remembers debates he once held with his father about issues that we deal with today in our society. He would ask him how homosexuality is such a sin or why should it be more important to tax the middle class less than the upper-class when a majority of our country falls into the lower category? Most of the time, his father couldn't respond with reasonable answers, because he had no facts to prove his point. The most important question Blaine has ever asked has been, "Isn't it important to love what you do in life because what's the point of living when you're living a life you don't want to live?" And his father has always responded back with, "Doing what you love doesn't necessarily mean that you'll succeed. Yes, you'll be happy when you're having fun, but when it comes time for grocery shopping, who will pay? You can't let your children starve." He would always then tell Blaine how his brother Cooper had once made the mistake of attempting to make it out there in the real world and was smart enough to switch occupations to be a lawyer. "Just trust me on this, being a musician won't get you anywhere in life, Blaine" he would say. "Do you really want to make a small profit and live in a rundown shack or live in a well built home that can surpass you're every need?" That would be the end of their discussion.

Meanwhile, once he thought about his future thoroughly, he realized what it was that he wanted and why. Acting/Music was not only a dream, but also an endeavor; it's an inevitability that helps him escape into a world of his own where no one can inflict pain upon him, not even from his father.

Late at night, his sister Allison would sneak into his room knowing what to anticipate. Blaine sitting on the edge of the window with his guitar strapped around his shoulders as he strummed away with his fingers. Allison always knew that this was his way of calming himself, of setting him free of his distress and at times he would simply brush the small statements his father said right off his shoulder. Although there were times where it wasn't that simple, and his anger would rise. Never would he result to crying though. Allison knew her brother too well to picture him as a crier. Blaine always thought that if he cried, he'd lose the strength he's been building up. He won't let trivial comments or people like his father taunt his mind.

But Allison, Allison was far from being a minor part in Blaine Warbler's life. She was this human being who was strong willed, understanding, gave Blaine his freedom to be no one but himself. Past midnight, they would chat for hours and hours. It was as if they had this telepathic connection to feel each other, to be there for one another, but now that she's gone, there's nothing he can do about it.

When Allison passed away, depression captivated his soul. He had no one to turn to. Every person he knew was against him. No one was on his side, to defend him, to protect him. Bullying became more of an issue than he expected it to be in his life. As he walked down the halls of his past school, he would catch kids glaring at him as if why is he still here? Now not only was he that weird unsociable music geek, but he was the boy with the "dead sister". Everyday, he was physically harassed by jocks, was caught in fights he didn't initiate, and would arrive home with unexplainable injuries.

His parents were completely aware of his actions and knew it was time to put their foot down and come up with a solution. And so they thought it was best for him to transfer schools. Alas they enrolled him at Dalton Academy where he could have a fresh start, where bullying was prohibited, where he could quite frankly be himself and be proud of who he is.

Blaine recalls his past and knows that there's nothing to be proud of though about it. There are so many mistakes he wish he hadn't made, but the past is the past and there's nothing he can do.

When he was thrown out of his own home by his own parents, for reasons he'd rather not discuss, he actually thought that being isolated from them would minimize his frustration, but all it did was increase his rage. It was terrifying to be abandoned without any guidance whatsoever. Blaine kept his thoughts and feelings to himself, but that didn't mean his vibes weren't noticeable, especially after the drama he went through with Kurt (his past lover).

Ever since Rachel's party, Blaine had become tight with Mike, and luckily when he had shown up at their doorstep, his parents were eagerly welcoming to him. But what kills him the most is that he had lied to his best friend. After the incident, Blaine made Kurt promise not to tell anyone the truth, even if his parents knew. It wasn't like they cared anyways; in fact Mr. and Mrs. Anderson just wanted to act like it didn't occur. Not even that, to pretend that Blaine wasn't even their son.

Unable to pay the fee for Dalton forced Blaine to finish his senior year at McKinley, but by having to transfer towards the end of the year was difficult. His complete focus was on applying for college, and he wasn't sure if that could even be an open possibility for him considering his budget issues. Fortunately, NYU provided him a full ride, but quite frankly, heading to college was still quite frightening.

He didn't even understand why he out of all applicants earned a scholarship. His grades weren't nearly where he wished them to be and when he transferred to McKinley, he had dropped all of his drama/music courses so he could focus on academics. The arts are really the main reason why he's attending NYU. All he can think of his how privileged he is. Never in his life did he think he could finally surpass his parent's expectations of him, but it's not like that matters anyways. Alas, his brother doesn't have to be the favorite anymore; maybe it will soon be time for Blaine to shine, to prove himself right.


End file.
